— PARENTS & FRIENDS OF LESBIANS & GAYS-EVERGREEN—
Why Barbara Sternberg started PFLAG 15 years ago

By Barbara Sternberg

PFLAG board, above left, and “Grandpa & Grandma for Gays” at a Pride Fest,above right.

Anger, guilt, sadness. A desire to do something to make amends for my own inadequacies in supporting my daughter as a lesbian and my son as a gay man. But also, I hope, some development of matur-ity, courage, willingness to put myself on the line.

My husband and I had five grown children—three “straight,” two “gay”—and eight grandchildren. We were intimately familiar with the appalling results of hate speech. Our children were shortchanged on grandparents because my husband lost half his family in Auschwitz and Terezin. I had been active in the arena of race relations since 1947. And yet I was so slow to recognize that the whole structure of prejudice against gays was of the same nature as anti-semitism, anti-black and anti-Hispanic sentiments.

As I began to read literature from Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, which is so helpful to parents dealing with children “coming out” as gays or lesbians, I realized how many stereotypical and hurtful things I had done to my gay children. Like just not really talking about the experience of being gay, even after they had poured their hearts out. Not wanting to know in any depth what their problems were, only wishing to be assured that “everything was all right.” Not reading gay literature, seeing gay films, keeping up with what was being discovered scientifically about homosexuality. In one area we did quite well, that of welcoming our kids’ partners into the family.

Eager to get started on my small contribution to changing the Colorado attitudes that led to the passage of Amendment 2 (which was already embroiled in the long legal process that finally resulted in its being declared unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court on May 20, 1996), I called the Denver PFLAG hot line. They promptly put me in touch with Jane Allen, another Evergreen parent anxious to get started in making a difference. She had twin lesbian daughters, and had already begun presenting issues of homosexuality and civil rights to her Methodist colleagues. Marva Kerns, an Evergreen member of Denver PFLAG, was soon on board, as was Doug Cornell, the only Evergreen citizen willing to be identified as a gay man in a Canyon Courier article exploring the gay/lesbian issue in our community.

With wonderful cooperation from the Denver organization, we had our first meeting on April 14, 1993. We have met faithfully every month since. By March of 1994 we were incorporated and had 501(c)3 status. We set to work to carry out in the Evergreen/mountain area PFLAG’s mission to promote the health and wellbeing of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, their families and friends, through:

Support to cope with an adverse society: A very important primary function of a chapter is to help parents and others faced with the “Mom, Dad, I’m gay” kind of revelation through confidential one-on-one sessions, group meetings, listening, sharing experiences, giving loving support through the process of adjusting to a new family situation.

Education: to enlighten an ill-informed public.

Advocacy: to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights.

PFLAG has a regular meeting the second Wednesday of every month with an excellent variety of programs as well as opportunities for sharing problems and achievements. Attendance is confidential. For information about meetings or an opportunity to meet chapter officers privately, call Marva Kerns a 303-674-4843 or Doug Cornell at 303-674-7951.

We work with the Jefferson County School District to support carrying out its excellent written policies of non-discrimination against GLBT people and against harassment of students on grounds of sexual orientation. We are represented on the district’s Diversity Council and participate in its annual Diversity Conference. We have a monthly newsletter and a Speakers Bureau available to interested groups. We do what we can to support organizations working to benefit young GLBTs, like Urban Peak and Rainbow Alley, knowing that all too many teens still lose family support—some even being thrown out of their homes—when they “come out.” As good members of our mountain communities, we also offer modest support to some of our valuable local organizations.

We have been told by numbers of gay and lesbian people in our community that our greatest service is just to be here—ready to respond to prejudice and spread the understanding of gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender people as responsible citizens and good neighbors.

One of the new initiatives by PFLAG chapters throughout the country is to encourage straight allies of the GLBT population to help us in small but important ways to achieve equal civil rights. The program has been named Straight for Equality and will be the theme of our public meeting on Thursday, May 15, at 7 pm at the Evergreen United Methodist Church. Everyone is invited to this meeting that will celebrate the group’s 15th anniversary.

by Marva Kerns
Contributions to our chapter enable us to maintain a supply of publications for distribution at no charge. PFLAG publications “Be Yourself,” “Our Daughters and Sons,” “Faith in our Families,” and “Our Trans Children” answer questions and offer support for the gay person, parents, family members and straight allies as well.

We also purchase or absorb the costs of reproducing materials from such organizations as Mental Health America, Journeyworks Publishing and the American Psychological Association and will send out materials on request.

The chapter contributes to local fund-raisers and scholarship drives and often gives a stipend to the organization represented by a speaker. Non-monetary gifts to Urban Peak at Christmastime and food items to Rainbow Alley, both in Denver, are given individually. A goal is to establish a scholarship fund for deserving high school graduates.

The local Helpline number is 303-674-4843. Also visit www.pflag.org.

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